From my Journal: How Many Times Must I Fail?
I started my journey in the summer of 2016. I wanted to change my relationship with alcohol. I was not sure exactly how or what I needed to do and I think I did what most people do when they think they might have a problem with something, they take a break from it.
So that is what I did. I started with a 30 day personal challenge.
2016 and 2017 I would repeat a pattern. I would give myself a challenge of 30, 60 or 90 days. I would complete them and continue forward without drinking but at somepoint I would change my mind and say to myself “You got this. Alcohol is not a problem anymore. You understand”.
I would have a drink or 2 with my friends.
With in a couple of weeks I was back to not liking my relationship with alcohol.
Oddly, enough most of my friends never really thought I had a problem. But they were not in my head and hearing my thoughts. I spent way too much time thinking about alcohol, regretting drinking, planning not to drink etc etc etc.
Here is an entry I wrote August of 2019.
My sobriety date is Oct 1, 2018.
I wrote about my experience of breaking a 60 day break in 2018 - just 40 days before I would quit for good.
60 days in on a 365 day goal … lets be honest .. on a lifetime goal. Why? Cause there is no benefit to drinking - I wrote this exactly 1 Year Ago!
I broke sobriety 3 weeks later after completing my first Triathlon…. Why? cause I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to be in the beer area and celebrate with my friends.
I drank all the way till the end of Sept. 2018.
In 2019 - One year later - I am 60 days from reaching the one year mark for my sobriety.
Interesting what a year will do.
I am grateful that this year when I finish the Tri I will not be tempted by the beer tent. Not even a little. Sure I might walk in to high five my friends but no need for the beer.
At some point in the last 9 months I just stopped wanting alcohol. I am free.
I am free.
I love reading that. It almost makes me tear up.
I want this for others that want it.
If I can be of help let me know.
Peace and Love Terry